Social media offers powerful new means for people to communicate and interact, but they don’t change the rules for how people connect.
None of would try to challenge the laws of physics. The laws that govern human interaction are just as immutable. They have nothing to do with technology and everything to do with basic human behavior.
These rules apply to both brands and individuals. Forget them at your peril.
Law #1: We need a reason to connect
Just three factors determine the strength of the connection between two people:
- Affinity. We have similar interests, tastes and values.
- Familiarity. We have shared experiences or have common people in our network.
- Desirability. One of us has something that the other one wants.
What’s interesting about social media . I’m much more likely to find that kindred soul who also likes Polish electronic music and collects Cabbage Patch dolls (I’m not speaking from personal experience here), or whatever. It’s also much easier to stay in touch with people (familiarity) and find that job/new sofa/hot date that we want (desirability).
The limits of social media show up in the proliferation of weak social bonds – new connections with little of no real value.
Law #2: Some people are more valuable than others
Think back to your middle school and early high school days (our first training grounds for social behavior). What did it mean to be popular? It wasn’t really about knowing the most people, but the right people. Some kids had more "value" than others.
Nothing’s changed. Some individuals still have more value than others. These are the influencers, the leaders; if you get them they pull through the followers. These are sometimes the most connected individuals in the network, but not always.
Law #3: Follow the influence, not the noise
The real challenge with building your network online is separating noise from value. Often, the people creating the most churn on social networks aren’t the ones who have the most to offer.
Some people are internet superstars – they do a lot online, and seem highly connected, but their real influence (and overall quality of their network) is low. They have many connections of very low value.
Imagine riding a bus and handing out your business card to everyone who gets on. That’s what this networking strategy is like. You are better served looking for the real leaders rather then the most active players of this game called social media.
Law #4: Communication is in the details
When you meet someone new, you react to many things at once: their body language, voice, appearance, what they’re saying, their facial expression, even their clothes. If you are like most people, you can tell if you like them or not within seconds.
What’s happening? Based on many subtle factors, you are subconsciously running them through your Affinity/Familiarity/Desirability filter (see Law #1). Are they polite? Do they smile and make eye contact? Do they wait until you are finished speaking before they talk?
It all matters. People are complicated, so communication is too.
In social media land, however, many have a tendency to dismiss the subtleties as unimportant and blaze right to the point. Subtlety matters just as much online as offline. The details are different but still important. Has this person taken the time to read your profile? Are they in your network or spamming you? If they are asking you to do something for them, have they taken the time to establish some kind of connection first?
